Chemically Imbalanced (espresso-jogged screeds)

snivelling advisory

to this blog’s crushing chagrin, its, ahem, “day” job actually has it toiling late into the eve and hurling itself out of bed at the butt-crack of dawn — even on saturday — in order to chronicle the grisly details of a national crime story unfolding in its back yard … meaning the foreshadowed intelly quibble will be forcibly staved off another day.

meanwhile, we leave you with all sorts of hyperventilation from nate the finger — heretofore known for ghetto roasting methods and superior cupping abilities — over his first true ‘spro machine:

Subject: I have finally fallen for Miss Silvia!

What can I say, she has finally lured me into her domain! It didn’t take a long pondering for me to know that she was definitely the one for me!
[there was plenty more eyebrow-raising language here not totally appropriate for a married man, but this blog will spare nate the gratuitous embarrassment and wife-flogging.]

I got a Rancilio that was purchased by a lady who used it for a month and found out that she had to ditch caffeine. So, it’s been kitchen decoration since last September. Her neighbor made the sale and called [gratuitous reference to an online machine vendor who does not pay this blog for advertising and thus will not get any] and got an additional year’s warranty on parts and threw in a bunch of extras for 375. So, I’m sure I will be picking your brain so that I can become a professional barista like you when I grow up!
[this blog has never made any such claims.]

Is there any chance you would consider parting with your small grinder for a good price? Or does Jake have an pre-mazzer grinder? I was hoping for a rocky, but I hate to flip the funds so soon after Silvia.
[this is where this blog appeals to the generosity and ideas of its increasingly diverse readership. we add: nate is mind-numbingly poor.]

Anyway, I thought you would be proud. What can I say, you’re my teen idol.
[for the record, this blog is no youth.]

as a hyperbolically indulgent and totally juvenile machine ogler itself in its early prosumer days, this blog will resist the urge to condescend in nate’s state of euphoria. congrats, bro.