Archive for category ‘screeds’
Tuesday, June 10th, 2008
CI conspiracy theorizes so you don't have to: is there some clued-in coffee person on the new york times staff -- someone, say, with very close third-wave relations -- behind the paper's curious recent tandem of quality coffee coverage with snarky, skeptical starbucks riffs? or is it just deeply american ...
Posted in happening elsewhere, screeds | No Comments »
Saturday, June 7th, 2008
truth is, this blog stumbles erratically and self-loathingly toward the well-worn narrative arc of most junkie coffee sites. broad, anything-goes enjoyment gives way to self-conscious issues blogging, which segues to Matters Only of Very Great Import posted on the internets. the more we experience, the less we share.
which is ...
Posted in screeds | 2 Comments »
Monday, March 24th, 2008
it's a common, vexing concern: how would the world barista champeen answer the burning coffee questions of the day? -- with hurricane winds, swooping fighter jets and small mortar fire distracting him, no less?
that's pretty much how our hack front-porch interview sounds, thanks to the blogson, who kept slamming that ...
Posted in video, screeds | 8 Comments »
Wednesday, March 12th, 2008
this blog's enthusiasm for the pocket wonder of espresso machines, la marzoccco's gs3, did NOT collapse like a hot souffle. it collapsed like a stale, forgotten, marbleized souffle left outdoors for three winters and sucked slowly to a shrivelled crisp by fume-loving mites devoid of options. because, you know, they ...
Posted in screeds | 2 Comments »
Thursday, February 14th, 2008
a hopeless aesthete coworker and recent home spro bandwagon getter-onner wonders: how environmentally obtuse can it be to sell high-end, earth-sensitive coffee in 12-oz. bags?
(a) people are accustomed to buying coffee by the pound. (b) as such, they have coffee habits built around this unit of measure. most standard drinkers ...
Posted in screeds | No Comments »
Saturday, February 2nd, 2008
what solis jake saw at the corning museum of glass:
what solis jake then drank at the corning museum of glass (hint: his e-mail subject line said "WME"):
"worst mocha evar!" pondering, then, this $12,000 architectural tragedy (roughly), this blog ends up fascinated all over again at the levels of indignity people ...
Posted in screeds | 2 Comments »
Monday, December 17th, 2007
recipients of this blog's seasonal giving often look at us with a seething expression that says, "riiiiiiiight. you gave me coffee because you've got it coming out of your tear ducts, and probably overroasted this batch while mindlessly slurping a closeted fungus."
and yet, giving coffee can be actually sacrificial. ...
Posted in shameless robusta filler, screeds | No Comments »
Monday, December 10th, 2007
now that we've thought about it, your grandma is quite possibly a stronger influence on the quality of your coffee than, say, your credentials as a working barista. it's not about the bar skills, but about the narrative, right? -- the riveting coffee story you're able to deliver to the ...
Posted in screeds | No Comments »
Monday, November 12th, 2007
another in a series: tales of coffee woe you, too, could experience were you enough of a self-flagellating masochist.
what reaction could one have offered? where, at the moment the shoe dropped, could we have tucked our mouthful of shrimp crepe florentine in order to burble a protest? who could have ...
Posted in screeds | 4 Comments »
Wednesday, October 10th, 2007
this blog has never met kyle larson. which sort of makes it hard to tell: is he a well-meaning tipster or conniving bio-terrorist? this blog reports, you decide.
the problem, see, is that this blog is NOT suffering a flare-up, as once supposed, of the previously contracted malaria. (what does the ...
Posted in happening elsewhere, screeds | 2 Comments »
Saturday, August 25th, 2007
no sooner do we indulge in the quasi-regular, neodemocratic, metaphysical debate on barista competitions (what is the philosophical significance of three beverage rounds? will a home junkie ever compete respectably? what IS cigaragay's next signature potion? jus de slaughterhouse lambshank el puente?) than someone far outside the usual echo chambers ...
Posted in screeds | 15 Comments »
Thursday, August 23rd, 2007
this blog assumes the informal word is true, and the 2007 southeast regional barista competition will be held in clearwater, fla.
forgetting for a moment the extreme nether location for what is a 10-state competition region -- on a peninsula! that juts into the sea! -- the most burning question just ...
Posted in screeds | 14 Comments »
Saturday, August 18th, 2007
to encapsulate our desolation, one really must turn to metered verse. also, touching imagery:
the vestiges of ezzie spent/e'en the chil'en ain't exempt/from gazes sad and clothing rent
shake the trees/break my knees/the esmeralda's now debris
top that grief, why don't you. this blog dares you. *sob*
UPDATE: where's jon lewis when you need ...
Posted in screeds | 13 Comments »
Tuesday, August 7th, 2007
this blog believes firmly in meeting coffee consumers where they are. even if ... no, particularly if it involves mini demis, nutella biscuits and plenteous outdoor verdure.
Posted in screeds | No Comments »
Friday, August 3rd, 2007
it strikes this blog that newly crowned world barista champion james hoffmann represents a sort of preeminent aesthetic value that doesn't just lead in its category (known formally as "dang good coffee"), but that transcends industry and cultural divisions to engage a diverse melange of the masses. you'd be hard ...
Posted in screeds | 9 Comments »
Wednesday, August 1st, 2007
james' excruciatingly awaited, long-promised announcement -- now suddenly in jeopardy?
watch the video, decide for yourself.
UPDATE: join this blog in a hearty "whew."
UPDATE: forget "whew." james hoffmann is the new world champeen. this should come with added burdens of disclosure and responsibility, no? mad props to the mad foodie.
Posted in screeds | 4 Comments »
Friday, July 27th, 2007
hoffmann's next move -- to be revealed on the world's biggest coffee stage?
UPDATE: as if we needed another reason to root for james.
URGENT BREAKING UPDATE: a CI source says, on quintuple-super-secret background, that hoffmann is, quote, "starting a glitch-hop klezmer-fusion boy band." we assume the 'do will be getting ...
Posted in screeds | 4 Comments »
Thursday, July 12th, 2007
somehow, due to forces far beyond this blog, the new blogson was born a purist.
UPDATE: yes, well. pouring a capp into a volumetrically marked suckling bottle turns out to be a quasi-humbling, non-wasteful exercise. how humbling, you ask? it took us three pours to nail the ratios!
basically, this blog has ...
Posted in screeds | 8 Comments »
Monday, July 2nd, 2007
this blog had been barreling out the door when the blogson helpfully noted that it would be less than advantageous for this blog to forget its lunch -- which, he said, was in "the orange bag with the bird without a face."
... which is exactly what this blog had been ...
Posted in screeds | No Comments »
Wednesday, June 27th, 2007
if this blog were a merit-badge-toting member of the third-wave espresso glitterati, it might fashion this post like so:
yeah, well, what can i say? long time no post. sooooo busy, you know, working out the kinks of my new sidamo cafe muffins (long story .. more later, if i have ...
Posted in screeds | 7 Comments »
Saturday, June 23rd, 2007
never again will this blog wrangle with feelings of abashedment while floating hyperventilating conspiracy theories -- because, it turns out, exactly half of the blogging, western-european-isle-based, road-tripping barista duo is, in fact, hooking up with the burgeoning intelligentsia juggernaut of global espresso duress! (scroll down to find the news.) you ...
Posted in happening elsewhere, screeds | 5 Comments »
Monday, June 18th, 2007
when a day begins like this -- spilt spro, mid-shower -- it's a violent, ugly thing.
Posted in screeds | 10 Comments »
Sunday, June 10th, 2007
third-party photography of last week's private pretend barista gig gave surfaced. shockingly, they're almost exACTly how we remember things.
coffee. it contains ACID. --------------- also, is it a good or a bad sign that this guy sipped, THEN snapped?
there are more lucid frames. but we doubt you care. should ...
Posted in screeds | 3 Comments »
Saturday, June 9th, 2007
each of us can spread the word, in his own, small way.
UPDATE: it's been snarkily pointed out that this blog's neighbor has alzheimer's. yes, well. we did say "small" way.
Posted in screeds | No Comments »
Friday, June 8th, 2007
as the world awaits hoffmann's next move (ok, ok ... maybe just this blog and mikep), the man himself offers a post titled "just to explain" -- and then conspicuously doesn't!
that's not exactly a move to shoot down the global domination theories. which leaves us pleeeennty of room for wild, ...
Posted in screeds | No Comments »
Thursday, June 7th, 2007
forget the $21,000. we have sacrificial signs of coffee-fest-spawned evangelism -- airborn!
Posted in screeds | No Comments »
Tuesday, June 5th, 2007
it's not ignorant ... it's journalistic! asking questions, that is.
* where were those reputedly gonzo alterra kids? you know, the ones who "make everything more fun" and bring that effusive dedication to latte art? this blog was among the very first to arrive at saturday's que-and-brew (as a public service ...
Posted in screeds, mad coffee jaunts | 10 Comments »
Saturday, June 2nd, 2007
the preamble is like limbo. horrid, dizzy, limb-tearing. that lethal cocktail of exhaustion and the jitters. synthetic evening jitters. waiting. tapping. polishing the drip tray, lining up the regiments of porcelain, holding out for that first ...
and then a torrential, blazing, deceptively casual crush of drink orders and questions about ...
Posted in screeds | No Comments »
Friday, June 1st, 2007
file it under "profound and meaningful differences between an amateur barista and a pro": the thing we've had to practice, leading up to tonight's 150-person bash, is using a hopper. yes, on the grinder.
know how people talk about the changing weight of beans in the hopper changing how the particles ...
Posted in screeds | No Comments »
Thursday, May 24th, 2007
why the elusive, surf-preferring, dreadlocked groove barista lemuel butler is now leaving mysterious, quasi-sensical missives in this blog's comments section we have no idea. it would appear, however, that we're not the only ones who thought turning him into a puppet was a good idea. funny stuff, this.
Posted in video, screeds | 2 Comments »
