Archive for category ‘screeds’

the blogson plays art critic

Monday, July 2nd, 2007

this blog had been barreling out the door when the blogson helpfully noted that it would be less than advantageous for this blog to forget its lunch -- which, he said, was in "the orange bag with the bird without a face." ... which is exactly what this blog had been ...

don’t pretend

Wednesday, June 27th, 2007

if this blog were a merit-badge-toting member of the third-wave espresso glitterati, it might fashion this post like so: yeah, well, what can i say? long time no post. sooooo busy, you know, working out the kinks of my new sidamo cafe muffins (long story .. more later, if i have ...

hoffmann watch: day 21

Saturday, June 23rd, 2007

never again will this blog wrangle with feelings of abashedment while floating hyperventilating conspiracy theories -- because, it turns out, exactly half of the blogging, western-european-isle-based, road-tripping barista duo is, in fact, hooking up with the burgeoning intelligentsia juggernaut of global espresso duress! (scroll down to find the news.) you ...

espresso soprano

Monday, June 18th, 2007

when a day begins like this -- spilt spro, mid-shower -- it's a violent, ugly thing.

the blur, reflected upon

Sunday, June 10th, 2007

third-party photography of last week's private pretend barista gig gave surfaced. shockingly, they're almost exACTly how we remember things. coffee. it contains ACID. --------------- also, is it a good or a bad sign that this guy sipped, THEN snapped? there are more lucid frames. but we doubt you care. should ...

your daily inspirational platitude

Saturday, June 9th, 2007

each of us can spread the word, in his own, small way. UPDATE: it's been snarkily pointed out that this blog's neighbor has alzheimer's. yes, well. we did say "small" way.

hoffmann watch, day six

Friday, June 8th, 2007

as the world awaits hoffmann's next move (ok, ok ... maybe just this blog and mikep), the man himself offers a post titled "just to explain" -- and then conspicuously doesn't! that's not exactly a move to shoot down the global domination theories. which leaves us pleeeennty of room for wild, ...

cfest ix: still more!

Thursday, June 7th, 2007

forget the $21,000. we have sacrificial signs of coffee-fest-spawned evangelism -- airborn!

cfest vii: nagging remainders

Tuesday, June 5th, 2007

it's not ignorant ... it's journalistic! asking questions, that is. * where were those reputedly gonzo alterra kids? you know, the ones who "make everything more fun" and bring that effusive dedication to latte art? this blog was among the very first to arrive at saturday's que-and-brew (as a public service ...

inimitable riotous service

Saturday, June 2nd, 2007

the preamble is like limbo. horrid, dizzy, limb-tearing. that lethal cocktail of exhaustion and the jitters. synthetic evening jitters. waiting. tapping. polishing the drip tray, lining up the regiments of porcelain, holding out for that first ... and then a torrential, blazing, deceptively casual crush of drink orders and questions about ...

sometimes, a crusade has to be free

Friday, June 1st, 2007

file it under "profound and meaningful differences between an amateur barista and a pro": the thing we've had to practice, leading up to tonight's 150-person bash, is using a hopper. yes, on the grinder. know how people talk about the changing weight of beans in the hopper changing how the particles ...

sexy foam tells all

Thursday, May 24th, 2007

why the elusive, surf-preferring, dreadlocked groove barista lemuel butler is now leaving mysterious, quasi-sensical missives in this blog's comments section we have no idea. it would appear, however, that we're not the only ones who thought turning him into a puppet was a good idea. funny stuff, this.

macho-choco-loco!

Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007

what does one do with a neighbor who receives an obviously perishable coffee shipment meant for the person around the corner, but, instead of forwarding the cargo, scrawls "RETURN TO SENDER" on the label? with a monster sharpie? that looks like blood? dried blood? dried blood and espresso? or was ...

sober reflection, exemplified

Thursday, May 10th, 2007

first it was "spirit"-ual cuppings. now it's barista-produced puppet shows. the groundbreaking coffee-evangelical ideas that CI readers continue to pull from the ether -- in the last 24 hours alone -- are nothing short of (sob) inspiring. shoulda sent 'em to long beach! actually, 'twould seem to be more ...

ketchup week: reading. dreaming.

Wednesday, May 2nd, 2007

nate. the finger. you know you're reading barista magazine, as opposed to, say, wine spectator, when your lede starts like this: "Just when you were wondering where you could find a truly multi-functional professional whipper, iSi North America has your answer ..." on the other hand, the new, long-awaited stumptown piece was ...

ketchup week: we were doing without blogging!

Wednesday, April 25th, 2007

while we were talking about bubble bath and spooky ways that google connects us, what we were doing was, well ... -- slurping loudly of no fewer than six origin gems in a very public place, where, as is the cypriot's wont, the descriptors "tomato vine" and "pickled eggplant" were recklessly ...

wooing: watch n’ learn, kids

Wednesday, April 18th, 2007

things we say to the blogwife in the bubble bath: "if you put more of that oil in the water, the bubbles would last longer." blogwife: "well, duh. more oil ... more bubbles." blog (clearing throat): "not more bubbles. think surfactants! a larger relative amount of bubble-causing protein solution would mean a ...

shameless aesthetic grovelling …

Thursday, April 5th, 2007

... in which CI takes a brief but hearty turn as a slobbering fanboy! truth is, this blog has always been a firmly mediocre latte artist, which, for blogging purposes, necessitated a dramatic foil who was lousier than us! and then we read schomer's light magazine feature. tilt the cup farther, he ...

global policy makers drink from this blog’s apparatuses

Thursday, March 8th, 2007

perspective-bearing text message from the bush-dwelling blogfather: your mother and I sitting next to US ambassador at Gaya! -- and, presumably, swilling premium third-world coffee beverages from the CI-supplied tote-a-spro! nuthin' like a fleeting contribution to this country's north african foreign policy ...

pitchered poop

Saturday, March 3rd, 2007

one sometimes hopes to effect substantive cultural change by gifting to one's friend a good steaming pitcher, say, and the godfather's words on latte art. alas: the next thing solis jake needs: skillz. we're working on it for his birthday. because we just don't know how many diarrheal neutron cloud patterns we ...

your super-automatic e61/composter

Wednesday, February 21st, 2007

that's the thing about drip tray drain systems. they whisk away the water and leave all manner of reject solubles in the nether regions of the tray itself, like some thickening reptilian skin that surprises you when you lift the grate, and ... WHOA! full-on swampy caiman pelt. did this blog ...

valuables, proffered to jackals

Wednesday, January 3rd, 2007

this town's absurdly vain permutation of an apple-friendly computer establishment enfolded this blog's moribund flat-panel screen into its murky bowels nearly a month ago. a week for the diagnosis ("inverter, sir!"), more than two weeks for the repair ("it's on order, sir!") and a mere two minutes to tell me ...

CI to baristi: loathe yourselves

Wednesday, December 27th, 2006

grasping for deep internal reasons why we repeatedly slog into indistinct intellectual rows -- take the "coffee-focus -or-barista-focus" kerfuffle -- this blog turns toward g.k. "good koffee" chesterton for sweeping philosophical dot connection: ... if a man would make his world large, he must be always making himself small. Even the ...

festive scroogey vigilantism

Friday, December 22nd, 2006

this difference between this blog and others ... they'd be more prone to fill the helpless silence with nothingness, whereas we give you reason to hope. also known as: spouting off. also: filler. to be clear, this blog would never rifle through the blogsister's purse uninvited. the toddling blogdaughter, however, is ...

stall-blogging, snarkily

Sunday, December 17th, 2006

this blog's LCD screen -- dead as a latte of over-nuked milkfoam and embalming fluid, sweetened with ash paste and sprinkled in bone meal. meaning ... the mac techs hold this blog's fate in their uber-cool, prompt-averse hands. blogging the befuddling local start-up, the african bush-friendly tote-a-spro and the fundamental responsibility ...

the barista code at work (or: paging mark prince)

Saturday, November 18th, 2006



CI eschews meaty content for e-mailed filler!

Friday, November 17th, 2006

nothing like mindless idle diversions from the eternal fount of inanity that is the bioluminescent cypriot: find the man hidden in the coffee beans -- within three seconds! if you did it in three seconds or less ... you are assuredly hyper-developed in the right brain. if it took up to a ...

bloggy swoons

Monday, November 13th, 2006

reason for pause: the reincarnation of the heartily cupped, mainstream media appreciated, tome-inducing, stellar-as-espresso mesmeralda -- now only the price of a cheap cigar! indeed, we're stunned there's still some left, particularly given the touching photo of this season's last beleaguered bag. quite selfishly, this blog delayed its own public ...

masochista-blogging, belatedly

Monday, November 6th, 2006

"you can't show this to the scrutinizing and anonymous public," this blog said to itself. "the adroitness void, 'twould glare like microfoam." which is, well, true. solis jake has now posted a photocast of last week's barista gig, and this blog is mortally chagrined to discover indelibly captured signs of ham-fisted ...

status creep, home junkie version

Sunday, November 5th, 2006

the tay-AH in platform shoes it's true. the problem with non-conformists everywhere is that counter-establishmentarianism is nothing without an establishment baseline! this usually results in veiled establishment mimickry in the name of its complete opposite. and indeed, this is the essence of home junkie-ism. an obvious, contrived set-up for this blog's token ...